Jesus glurge in pictures

What is glurge? Many of you have probably never heard the word. You know those sickly-sweet emails you get that involve puppies, kittens, angels, little girls with disabilities, Jesus, truckers with hearts of gold, or some combination of the above? Well, that's glurge. They always have some rather sketchy moral tale to tell, it always involves angels and/or Jesus Christ, and it nearly always contains the admonition that you must forward the email to 5, 10, 15 or more of your friends if you want good luck or God's blessings.

Today, I received a glurge in pictorial form. Yes! Pictures! Because mere words are not enough to convey the message that Jesus is your Heavenly Physician, dispensing moral advice with an off-handed flippancy that would shame even the most apathetic of mortal doctors. It is GLORIOUS in its syrupy sweetness, a wonder of sugar-coated religiosity that manages to say absolutely nothing while giving the impression that you have just been handed the Keys to the Kingdom. I love this glurge, and I reproduce it here for your edification:





You might want to get those feet-holes sewn up, Jesus, if you're going to go tramping around in the sand like that.

It's the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

The cake that Brother Maynard carries!

Okay, technically, this isn't Jesus, but how could I resist it? Yes, someone has made a Holy Hand Grenade cake, and it is truly holy, indeed. Come, let us feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carps, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and cakes, and....